oh my God I feel lonely when you're not here. Invade it. ?? feels nice. And my reading was nice. So yeah ?? go to bed
?? came up to read my bible
oh I told you. I caught him up
oh them two?
not really Rubina ?? I've gotta say something to tell her ot make her udnersand why
I thought you did that in your last conversation
I ?? did. BUt ?? feel like my goodbye
will say it
yeah
what's your fear? cause I senes fear
just making the wrong decision. But at the same time can't make the wrong decision whatever the ?? happens
and what would entail the wrong decision
getting the boot third place. Something Cam said that was nice was I know this is a ?? position. ?? you and CHelsie's gme trying to pick one of us I'm not naive to the fact it's one of us and that there is fear in what I say and ?? what's wrong with the other person and why you should keep me if I was in your position. He's like because if I was in that position I promise I would've kept you. ANd to be honest though if you do jkeep me, he doesn't know what he would do unles he's not telling me. I tried, but pptt. He's like I"m not ognna forfeit the games. Obviously don't think anybody wil. He's like I'm not unaware of the fact taht both you and Chelsie deserve. I get it, as an athelte and playing this game, yall have earned it. This is ?? having to earn it by actions. I get your fear of getting third ?? He's like but at the same time I'm not gonna throw it. But it was nice to hear him say that and he could just be lying agin but I do think he just think that. I think he' sin his head. I think he's upset with himself
how he ?? this season. ?? I would concur. I think he feels that we deserve to walk out first and second
yeah
the only thing that would change that is fi he
wins
cause if he wins
kudos to him I guess
quite literally winning when he needs to. Which couljd happen
yeah
but that' sout of, the games are out of our control of what they'll be and how we'll be in them. So, it's nerve racking regardless whetehr it's him or RUbina. They're both... the unknown is scary that' swhat it is. Yeah he oly talked ot me briefly today but just how he feels goin ginto tomorrow. I've been trying to see. He'sjust like oh whatever. He hadn't talked to you at that time. He was like you were waiting to talk to Rubina but I'm fine, I'mc hilling. Can't really do anything before ... I'm like you're right, and that was the extent of our conversation
yeah tha tmakes sense. That checks
and it's a big day tomorrow
it is.
but you'll handle it rihgt liek you always do
thank you
and the only way you come in third is if one of us don't freking win
history tends to repeat itself right?
it neds to repeat itself. Now's not the time for it to not repeat itself. THe freak? Yeah I have, I'm a little anxious as well
it's happening tomorrow
and then in the final two, Id on't know. If eel like in this game I've, twoard the end I've been loyal to the right peopl ebut in the firs thalf I've had loyalty toward people who coulnt' care less abotu loyalty to me, so those fears in teh back of my ind reign. At this point it's not necessarily about, people ar eognna make a decision that' sbest for their game, and I fully don't know where Cam's head is at, and that's in the event that he wins. I'm not nervous aout you, I'm not nervous about me. I'm nevrvous abotu how I would perform in the last three rounds
don't be nervous that last round is 2v1 just like last time
I know
except hti s time you got me not CAm
yeah. which is why I'm not nervous about it. It's just the irony if he wins
right? still if she won, the irony of that would be so much more embarrassing than Cam
I know
which is one thing I'm literally considering as like a part of my decision
lie losing to her would be crazy?
mhm
she asked me how I was feeling
she said sh eknows i"ve been talking to CHelsie about this deicsion alot. I was like I've been talking to Chelsie about a lot of things. ABout ?? life. That's why I hang otu with her at night. I have a ?? and a whole life ?? I'm the least set up ?? and I'm terrified. Not that things aren't open for me
they'r ecompletely open for you
it's just my life is just beginnign ?? even CEdric seems more put up than I. You know?
CEdric, I nee dto figure out who he is first
he even like
that dude is more settled than me. THat's because he has secrets. tTHa's what that boy has. It is a big decision for you tomorrow. I am aware of that. and I don't even know how I would feel in your shoes. Not remotely
yeah. I just wish I knew where Cam's head was at more
as somebody who has worked ith Cam early in this game
yup, you're not going to
you're not going to. And I don't think it's like a schemy thing, I just don't think he knows how to articulate what he's thinking,a nd I don't think, he's not even thinkin abotu sUnday, he's thinkign about tomorrow. So it's hard to, he literally takes things one day at a time, so yeah you're not gonna ge tmuch out of that guy. Even if he fully trusts you, it's gonna be rough
he'sso funny. Today agian I brought up the fact that he said he felt uncomfrotable not safe ?? I was lik when di di Make you feel not safe. He's liek you said you were gonna make me a renom. Yeah I was trying to ?? all angles ?? next week when I couldnt' play dumb dumb. He's like yeah but still it's worrisome. I've never felt safe
He's felt safe. Cry me a river. He's been safe. Forget feeling safe. He's been safe
yeah both them been safe
so I don't know what he's
but yeah RUbina's scarier to have in the end. IF she somehow wins, she'll take hoime the money
I know
Just the fact taht she's been on the block and survived certain times. And the downplaying her game is crazy to me
that's waht I don't like
after playing it up
playing it up to one person and odnwplaying it to you is crayz. Don't play it up at all then. Thta's juts stupid. I just wanna get those competitions over with
what we do know is that God's in control and it's gonan owrk out exactly as it should, and we'r egonna be afine
I agree
and I wholeheartedly believe ?? and what I prayed coming to fruition. Not even kidding
and the outcome will be worth it. THe outcome iwll be as he intended it to be. It's quite literally just palcing trust and I'm realizing that I struggle with that quite a bit
it' sokay I do too. Left myw ater downstairs. DAmmit
yeah I struggle quite a bit, not being in my head all day today
I could tell, that's why I gave you your space
nervous
it's hard not to be, tomorrow's a big day
the next three days are really big days
just gotta get to this freaking live eveiction
your'e gonan get through this with a breez,e na deasy and elegance. Watch. It'll be hard but you'll handl eit really well. I compeltely 100% believ etha
I appreciate that
you have nothing to worry about. And I think Rubina will feel loved even when walking out this door. She'll understand. I know she'll understand
she will
it just sucks. It's sad, whoever goes home
?? but yeah she doe understand. ?? not saying she' sfelt it but
the picture I keep getitng in my head, me, you, and Cam is liek T"kor, Rubina, and Kimo and anothe rpersdon. So she's on the outs of what she's had all season
yeah
it's been a trio all season
yeah
so, I think she feels it cause if the roles were reverse,d the fourth on the outs of the other hree would feel it. And she would protect Kimo and T'kor to the end of time. It's crazy how she said she wouldn't sent him home. what?
what?
that she would've sent him home. Kimo was a really good player. Under the radar
anxiety
are you planning on talking to any of them again tomorrow? or you fele like there's no need
personally. I think there's no need. I'm trying to think what I said in teh goodbye message
Chelsie: That's crazy. Talkin bout ... what' sso crazy to me is how firs tof all some people in this house think I'm booboo the fool. NOt even me but liek to say, for RUbina to say she would take Makensy to the end cause she respects her game after two weeks ago, after day 73, tryingt o have me put her up,s he's a threat. SO you're tryingt o tell me you would put your greatest threat up from what you asy, you would take her to the final two? Am I stupid? Just spirit of dumbassery. I need to win just one game (solitaire)
Makensy returns
she does sit in the nook at night. So when she gt called last night she was sitting there
she's jut sitting?
Makensy: sitting in the corner
Chelsie: like laid down?
Makensy: no, just sitting. Proabbly just stress. Anxiety. I have that sometimes
Chelsie: don't we all
...
that's still crazy to me
what?
her pitch to you. It's like what?
Makensy: yeahhh. I mean. The thing is it's not crazy
like her pitch?
Makensy: yeah cause like as to be expected in my position, you know?
Chelsie: no like her pitch of why she would take you to the final two
Makensy: oh. I love your story. Yeah
Chelsie: That one. That's crazy
Makensy: I didn't believe it. But yeah. Wild. But yeah, um, who knows
once it's game time and we start the games we'll feel
better
oddly. Si that weird?
s long as we win tomorrow night. If we don't win tomorrow nihgt then I think we might be shitting ourselves a little bit more
that's if we play tomorrow night
you don't think we'll play?
I hope we do
maybe not live but I definitely think we'll play. If yall fucking do some hanging shit
do some what?
hanging shit. I know who yall fucking favor
oh like us hanging from something? Yeah just hold on to the bar
if they do some shit like that? I'm never coming back
(laugh)
ever. Letting that be known
Chelsie: (laugh)
the shit's rigged
I would poop myself
I'd just look at you like
I'd just walk away
like fuck dude, oh my gosh
(laugh)
don't even laugh
it's just
it's inevitable isn't it
no, no no no. NOt how this season has been
that's valid
this season has been very even keel
Makensy: like they want anybody to win
Chelsie: cause it's less predictable that way, so no it's not inevitable, it jsut would be funny
Makensy: so funny huh
Chelsie: I would literally probably collapse on the floor
Makensy: I'd be pissed. I'd be actually livid. Are you kidding me?
that would be cool if Cam threw it
I know
please pretty please. He would never. He's too close
Chelsie continues playing solitaire in the HOH room. Makensy is in the bathroom
...
Chelsie reads her bible
...
Chelsie helps Makensy with her tan
...
Makensy joins Chelsie in bed
They talk about the bible
...
and that's who he was named after. David Matthew Hardeman. And Makensy Manbeck.
HardeMan Manbeck
??
Chelsie: it's better than Tuckina
Makensy: ?? like it ?? almost sounds like Tequila
Chelsie: sounds like a botched procedure
Makensy: Tuck-in-a
They go back to talking about the bible
I wonder how it looks like from their perspective
I wonder if he'd give us a tour
oh for sure
if allowed
yeah ... they're probably so ready to be done
I feel like this is a cool show to be on comparative ot others
to others? 100%
yeah
...
Makensy puts her bible down, turns out the lights. and gets back in bed
Goodnight relatives
See if she's still in the nook. Goodnight number 1 (fake crying)
(fake crying). I put on fake tan only to make sure i Didn't cry tonight. I know you'r elistening. THe fact taht Cam and RUbina carried me to the door is hilarious
I will walk for my number one any day
I didn't wnat to go through the pain agian
it hurts ?? say goodbye
it hurt
uhhh my God. That's my dog. Period. Point blank
dang she's still up
she's still up
I feel bad
you think that she's contemplating?
I do. I think she's worried. I think she's taking in the fact that she's made it this far, and probably resonating in it
we really may compete tomorrow
I hve it in my head hta twe will. So I'm trying to just remain calm. Remind myself that we made it here. Everyday was a blesing in this house. THe fact I amde it to day 90 is impeccable. That we still have each other is impeccable and we will walk out. And that's what matters. If not firs tand seocnd, then first and third, and still damn good. You know?
Yeah
So. That's what I'm hoping
I wonder how Cam feels
I don't know I think ebtter. I did tell him goodnight whenever I went in there and grabbed my stuff. I ran in ther eand said goodnight. He was awake, the lights were off
I wonder how he's feeling about the game
oh about if he makes it? comps? He's probably gonna be enrvus. He's nefinitely gonna be nervous. He know she has to win to make it to the final two, and he thinks we desere it more, so he's gonna be in his head already. Am I gonna say tht's gonna deter him form ??
so we may pay tomorrow night. What if we played... no. What if we played two games tomorrow
We could. that's what I Was thinking
and the nFridya, Saturday, and then Sunday
we're there
i know
liek it's here
it's here. with my tummy hurt
I"m so proud of us
so am I
I'm so proud of you
so proud o fyou. the freak? Crazy amazing season
for real (sigh). Don't think I'd do it again unless you were here. wouldn't be able to
I would go crazy.
I'd be runing your isntagram like guys I know she's not well
even if Cam was here I wouldn't be well
no I know. How are you feeling about that?
him and I?
yeah
um, I feel like he's very insecure when it comes to me
I would agree
and uh, I don't know
?? for you. I think eh might know that
eh knows that, and yeah. I can see h's trying but in this environemnt. Liek trying to liek speed up his
progres and mindset
and I don't want that to be something he rusehes or something he does because of me. i want that to be something he does for him. Helathy for him
on his
and I want him to want to be healthy. In our conversation he was like I"ll work on it when it comes out. So that's something that he'll as time goes he'll leanr. So I know he'll be part o fmy life for a long itme, I just don't think it'll be, who knows, in the way that
it will be for a while
yeah for a while. Just until he gets his. He's in a new chapter of his life
he is yeah
trying to figure out who he is, who God is again. So I'm excited to see him fluorish after this. I can say that, cause I think he will
I agree
he just needs some guidance
I think I can tell that as wlel. I think not being close ot his family like that an dnot having those types of friends, really does, not set you back, but doesn't support you to go for it. That's even what I"ve learned. I have that in my family but not in my friends all the time
same with ?? Family have a lot, but friend s??
especially ?? people that stay with you an dpush you in that sense, and be honest with you in a way that you can take honestly, and not as judgement but as help
yeah those ;friends are hsrad to come by but when you come by them ?? and I'm still finding at 27 I'm reevaluating my friendships, and that's where I lack. ANd I think with him he lacks it in the family department, and the majority of his friends are female. And he's trying to figure out how to be a father one day and how to be a hubsband. He and I had that conversation. What type of marriage do you want and do you feel liek you have role models where you look at ?? like I want that. Kind of like mentors
I would love for him to meet my father
there would be so many like... yeah
just ?? the fact of sports, the fact he's lost his mother
they would probably have a great conversation
and my dad has been there for men and women who lost their parents as well
yeah
so yeah
so yeah I just, I will be a great friend to him outside of here
absolutely I do believ ethat
in this environment, we've irked each otehr
true
and he purposely irks me. He liesk to get nder my skin
even when he's not around you
He likes to get under my skin. all the time. Ad he thinks it's funny
he does. He's like a little boy, he's still growing up. The little boys who flirt by being mean sometimes
that's literally him and I'm like leave me alone. So, yeah, eh's not ready for anybody right now
yeah no
not one person, but he needs to get a little bit healthier
yeah
or else anything he enters he will self sabotage. And I feel, and his picker is off
mhm. I agree
he just needs one great male role mdoel in his life who's willing to walk alongside and help him make deicsions. Like Matt had that. One person in his life
ne person can change much
?? needs one and he doesn't have one. That's my prayer is that